The Snark | Writing Awkward Romance

Is It a Date or Just Coffee? A Field Guide for Writers of Awkward Romance

Writers, let’s get real: the best scenes in your stories aren’t the candlelit, violin-scored dinners where everyone knows what’s happening. They’re the murky ones. The coffee that might be a date. The “let’s hang out” that could be platonic – or the start of a torrid disaster. The hand brushing the small of the back that sends one character swooning and the other searching for the exit.

The ambiguity is where the fun lives. And if you want your characters’ dating lives to feel nuanced and real, you need to lean into these fuzzy gray zones. Let’s walk through a few traps, tropes, and tests you can use to make your readers laugh, cringe, or scream “no, don’t do it!” at the page.

The Date-Adjacent Ambush

Few things create tension like the date-adjacent hangout. “We should grab a coffee sometime,” “Let’s hang out,” or “Want to get drinks?” – these phrases are basically romance wearing sweatpants. They let one character test the waters while pretending innocence.

For your story, this is gold. One character can be blissfully unaware (“Oh fun, coffee with a new friend!”), while the other is rehearsing proposal speeches. When readers see the asymmetry, they’re hooked.

Pro tip: throw in a character who knows exactly what’s happening – the snarky roommate, the weary best friend – who mutters, “That’s not coffee, that’s a date with foam art.”

Mutuality or Bust

Let’s establish a simple rule for fiction:

Mutuality = date.

One-sided = attempted date.

If both characters understand there’s even a possibility of romance, you’re writing a date. If one character is invested in romance and the other is just thrilled to have a new trivia partner, congratulations: you’ve created an attempted date.

Attempted dates are comedy gold. One-sided longing produces spectacular miscommunications, dramatic irony, and the delicious horror of characters talking past each other. A surefire way to make readers squirm – and keep turning pages.

His Interest ≠ Her Intent

This should be stamped on the forehead of every male character in fiction: just because he’s interested doesn’t mean she is.

But of course, he’ll act as if her laughter, her friendliness, or – heaven help us – her phone number must mean she’s romantically invested. As a writer, you get to exploit this. Readers love watching a character blunder ahead on faulty assumptions while the other character thinks, “What the hell, I was just being nice.”

That disconnect is tension fuel. Will she notice his misread? Will he ever get the hint? Will the readers strangle him through the page? That’s your playground.

The Boyfriend Reveal Test

Want a great mid-scene twist? Drop a casual, “I have a boyfriend” into a conversation that one character thought was clearly a date. Watch the sparks fly.

• If he’s shocked → you’ve just revealed the depth of his misread.

• If he pivots with “we can just be friends” → you’ve set up a subplot where he lingers, waiting for a crack.

• If he doubles down with “he doesn’t have to know” → congratulations, you’ve created a villain.

The beauty of this test is that it exposes intent. And intent is what dating stories are really about.

Flirt vs. Friendly

One of the most useful tricks for writers: blur the line between “friendly banter” and “flirting.” Readers love ambiguity, but characters hate it. One character will think they’re just having fun conversation; the other thinks sparks are flying. Toss in a third character observing from across the room, and you’ve got instant drama.

And for extra spice? Make your character’s natural personality always look flirty, even when they’re not trying. Pretty, engaging, magnetic characters often get misread – and the fallout is irresistible story material.

Closing Note from The Snark

Here’s the takeaway for your fiction: don’t waste too much energy on perfectly defined dates. Real life – and the best stories – thrive in the mess.

• A date is mutual.

• An attempted date is one-sided.

• Everything else is the swampy gray middle where assumptions, miscommunications, and “date-adjacent hangouts” live.

And that swamp? That’s where your readers laugh, cringe, and fall in love with your characters.

Because the truth is, in both fiction and real life, nobody ever really knows: is it a date, or just coffee?

The Snark