The Snark | Dating Your Imagination

The Spark That Isn’t

Ah, “love at first sight” – the favorite lie of rom-coms and your aunt who swears she just knew when she saw Uncle Bob at a Grateful Dead concert. Spoiler: what they felt wasn’t love; it was dopamine doing a drive-by shooting in their nervous system. Biology says you can get lust at first sight, attraction at first sight, and the occasional oh-my-God-we-both-hate-mayo alignment at first sight. But love? Love takes time, compromise, and a long, harrowing journey that includes bad breath and IKEA arguments. Writers, if you’re scribbling down “and they instantly fell in love,” what you’re really saying is: “I gave up on writing an actual relationship arc.”

Your Fantasy, Not Their Reality

The real danger of “love at first sight” is that it’s usually just you dating your imagination. You’re not in love with that human across the room; you’re in love with the fantasy reel running in your head: They probably rescue puppies. They probably also hate cilantro. We’ll definitely move to Florence and write novels together. What you don’t see? Their actual life – which might involve six roommates, a questionable credit score, and a deep, disturbing affection for Funyuns. In fiction, this is catnip. Readers love watching characters realize that their soulmate is, inconveniently, an actual person with habits, flaws, and baggage. The fantasy can be delicious, but the reality is what makes the story.

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Humans are Olympic athletes in self-deception. “She ghosted me, but she’s just scared of how strong our connection is.” “He’s terrible with money, but that’s just because he’s a free spirit.” This is where love-at-first-sight really flourishes: not in the instant, but in the retelling. Couples who’ve been together forever love to mythologize their origin story because “we met at Costco and bonded over discounted laundry detergent” doesn’t sound sexy. So they retcon the past into destiny – retroactive continuity at its most romantic. Writers, lean into this! Characters lie to themselves constantly, and those lies are where drama, comedy, and heartbreak bloom.

Acceptance: The Only Plot Twist That Matters

Here’s the kicker: love isn’t about sparks, fantasy, or Instagram-worthy beginnings. It’s about acceptance. The real test is not “did my heart skip when I saw you?” but “do I still like you when you’re tired, cranky, and wearing socks with sandals?” Real love is when someone reveals the thing they were hoping you’d never notice, and you don’t run. That’s not a fairy tale – that’s better. If you’re writing fiction, don’t waste time selling “love at first sight” unless you’re writing a Disney reboot. Write lust at first sight, write attraction at first sight, but then dig into the rocky path to trust, intimacy, and endurance. That’s the plotline readers actually believe, and it’s the one that pays off.

The Snark