The Snark on Alchemy Podcast "Love Unscripted | Riding The Four Horsemen"
- The Snark
- May 15
- 4 min read
Welcome to the Nightmare: Tim and LeeAnna's Love Analysis Show
Ah, love. That beautiful, chaotic thing we all pretend to understand - until we listen to Tim and LeeAnna tear it apart on Alchemy. Buckle up, folks, because the latest episode, “Riding the Four Horsemen,” takes us on a ride through the emotional apocalypse that is modern communication in relationships. It’s like watching a slow-motion car crash, but, you know, with more theories and less actual driving. But don’t worry, Tim’s here to drag us through with a heavy dose of Gottman and a couple of... let’s call them “enlightening” anecdotes.
After an outtake of Tim's lack of notes management (cue the eyerolls), we’re promised a deep dive into communication in relationships. Sure, Tim’s pulling out the big guns - John Gottman, the “Marriage Clinic,” and a bunch of marital science that’s supposed to help you write better dialogue. But mostly, it’s about keeping your romantic life from being a dumpster fire.
Dory, Lightning, and Not-So-Fun Therapists
Oh, and there’s a side story from Tim about his old therapist Dory Hollander - who, allegedly, had her sense of humor “transformed” by lightning (because nothing says “helpful therapy session” like a zap from the sky, right?). The plot twist? Dory’s gone now. We’re really feeling the love, Tim. Thanks for sharing the ‘fun’ story about how your therapist’s death and lightning strikes shaped your writerly wisdom. Can’t say I wasn’t moved.
When You’re a Writer and Your Relationship is Crumbling (a.k.a. The Subtle Art of Starting with “I’m Fine” and Ending with “I’m Scared”)
Let’s move on to the juicy part: Tim talks about writing relationships where everything seems fine at first but is clearly on the brink of catastrophic failure. Ah, the sweet, sweet joy of subtle foreshadowing. Tim’s not giving us a full-blown couple’s therapy session here, just a glimpse into the seething mess beneath the surface. He wants readers to say “hmm,” and then, a few chapters in, shout “HMMMM!” (Noted. Please don’t make me write this exact thing into my own plot.)
But, seriously, if Tim’s so obsessed with making sure you really see the cracks in these relationships, where’s the fun? What happened to just throwing a couple into a fire and watching them burn? Guess we’ll settle for the Gottman-approved subtlety, eh?
Criticism: Why Say “I’m Upset About the Dishes” When You Can Just Call Your Partner an Incompetent Imbecile?
Tim dives into the first Horseman of the Relationship Apocalypse: Criticism. Oh, joy. Apparently, criticizing your partner isn’t just about voicing your displeasure over them leaving their dirty socks everywhere. Nope, that’s just a complaint. Criticism is the attack on their very soul, because you’re now “questioning their entire character.” Get it right, folks - if you’re going to nitpick, you better do it in an existential way.
Then LeeAnna gets real about how she’d been critical of her “messy” kids. But hey, that’s still communication.
Contempt: The Horseman That Would Totally Win the “Most Likely to End a Relationship” Award
If you thought criticism was bad, hold on to your seat for Contempt. Tim explains that this is where the real fun begins - mocking your partner’s every flaw, calling them names, lots of eye-rolling and making them feel worthless. Tim really seems to be relishing this one. Sure, I’m laughing, but also wondering why we’re all still here.
LeeAnna responds with an example - her grandparents never complained about each other in public (yeah, those magical, Instagrammable couples), which, in Tim’s world, would probably make them contenders for a “Facebook couple” trophy. Tim tells another non-funny story about a friend who overhears his wife - through a window at a party - rubbishing him to her girlfriends. Classy… but that’s real life.
Defensiveness: What You Say After the Criticism, Contempt, and the Entire War Have Begun
Next up, Defensiveness - because when your partner criticizes you, the best thing to do is to play the victim and deflect blame. Don’t own up to any mistakes! And here’s a personal favorite from Tim: the classic “friend who took an apology and turned it into a fight about everything” story. Totally relatable. Also, I’m sure this is somehow connected to great dialogue writing. Good luck with that one, writers.
Stonewalling: The Silent Treatment That’s Definitely Not Healthy (But Maybe Just a Little Bit Fun)
And lastly, we have Stonewalling, where you shut down completely and ignore your partner’s every attempt to communicate. Tim and LeeAnna give us a dramatic reading of the fictional James and Alice - because nothing says “great relationship advice” like reading deeply cynical, sarcastic dialogue about relationships that are beyond saving.
James, aka the stonewaller, is basically the relationship equivalent of checking out of a party when things get “awkward.” Not to worry, folks, this won’t end well. Spoiler alert: It never does.
Closing Thoughts
Alright, let's wrap this up. Tim and LeeAnna may have given us all the scientific reasons why relationships fail - thanks, John Gottman, you’ve made all of us terribly self-aware - but let’s be real: this podcast was a rollercoaster of bleakness. It’s basically a one-way ticket to realizing that love really isn’t all roses. It's more like a cocktail of contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling - spiced with a dash of “please write better dialogue than this.”
The good news? As writers, we don’t have to actually live in these trainwreck relationships. We can just write them. For fun. Gold dust, indeed.
But seriously, folks, if you’re ready to spiral into the abyss of relationships that’ll make you reconsider human interaction altogether, this podcast has you covered. Just remember: no one’s perfect - especially when the Horsemen come galloping in.
The Snark
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