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The Snark on Alchemy Podcast "Love Unscripted | Be My Baby"

"Be My Puppet?" – The Uncomfortable Truth About Control in Relationships

Introduction: A Beautiful Disaster of Control and Power Plays

Welcome to Love Unscripted, where the power dynamics in relationships are… subtly terrifying. In this two-part podcast, Tim and LeeAnna dive deep into the ugly, murky waters of control and manipulation - those subtle, sometimes disguised tactics that govern a relationship without anyone actually saying, “Hey, I’m trying to control you.” It’s all about those quiet, insidious ways people - let’s face it, mostly men - bend the will of their partners, all while acting like it’s totally fine. As a writer, whether you’re looking for ways to creep out your readers or create morally ambiguous characters, this podcast is your road map to the subtle art of controlling your cast without anyone noticing. Perfect for writers looking to explore toxic, blurry dynamics in relationships.


The Subtle Art of Rewriting Relationship Rules (with Manipulation)

Tim and LeeAnna are at their finest when they dive into the ugly truths that make up the subtle art of control in relationships. We’re not talking about obvious power grabs like yelling, threats, or ultimatums. No, no - this is about rewriting the rules of the relationship in ways so subtle, you’d need a magnifying glass to spot them. The sad truth? Many of us are conditioned to accept these subtle manipulations because they’re hidden under the guise of “love,” “tradition,” or even “helping you be your best self.”


Let’s break down the seven methods Tim and LeeAnna explore in their quest to unravel the most uncomfortable ways men (and sometimes women) control their partners.


The Unspoken Expectations Game: How to Control Without Saying a Word

Here’s a fun one - subtle control through unspoken expectations. Ah, the classic: “I didn’t say anything, so why are you acting like I’m controlling you?” Well, when you live in a world where the expectations are clear (whether it's to act, think, or be a certain way). No one’s saying it, but you sure feel it.


The “I Know What’s Best for You” Mantra

This is the guy who has an answer for everything. He knows what you should wear, how you should think, and what’s best for your career. It’s not about helping - it’s about positioning himself as the ultimate authority in the relationship. So, when you question him? Oh, you must be wrong because he knows better, right?


Gaslight and Glitter: Manipulation with a Side of Compliments

We’ve all heard of gaslighting - making someone feel crazy by denying their reality. But here’s where it gets deliciously sinister: gaslight and glitter, where you make someone question their reality while throwing in just enough affection and compliments to keep them stuck in the cycle. It’s the perfect mix of cruelty and kindness - a tactic that's both toxic and incredibly hard to escape.


The “You Need Me” Complex: Turning Support Into Dependency

This is where things get dicey. On the surface, it might seem like someone is just being supportive - until that support turns into a slow burn of dependency. Suddenly, you feel you need your (controlling) partner to thrive emotionally, financially, or otherwise. It’s a fine line between being protective and making someone feel like they can’t exist without you.


When “Being Supportive” Becomes “I’m the Boss Now”

Support is supposed to feel empowering, right? But when it turns into micromanaging your every move, decision, and direction under the guise of “helping,” you’ve crossed into dangerous territory. And guess what? This happens all the time under the radar.


The “Can’t You Just Be Myself?” Syndrome

“Can’t you just be yourself?” - the question is a lie. What they really mean is, “Can’t you just be the person I’ve idealized in my mind, even though that’s probably unrealistic and not what you actually want?” Whether it’s the “ideal” partner or some impossible vision of perfection, this is subtle manipulation at its finest. Because if you don’t comply, who’s the problem? You are.


The Pity Play: Manipulation Through Guilt

Ah, the classic pity play - because nothing screams control like a masterful guilt trip. Some people (you guessed it, usually the manipulators) are experts at weaponizing their weaknesses, whether real, exaggerated, or entirely fabricated, to pull at the heartstrings and get what they want. Picture this: "Oh, I’m so lost without you. You’re my only hope!" - and just like that, you’ve got the perfect recipe for emotional blackmail. This isn’t just a plea for sympathy; it’s a full-on emotional heist that drains the partner’s strength while the manipulator reels in the emotional benefits.


The Nightdresses Debate: Cute or Creepy? You Decide

One of the most bizarre examples discussed in the podcast is the father buying identical nightdresses for his wife and daughters at Christmas. Is it sweet? Or is it a disturbingly controlling behavior wrapped up in the guise of family bonding? Honestly, when Tim and LeeAnna debate this, you’re left wondering if you should be calling child protective services or just grabbing your popcorn for the cultural examination of the century.


LeeAnna, now questioning whether she’s been controlled by men more than she ever realized, serves as the perfect voice for this deep dive into subtle manipulation. Meanwhile, Tim - who’s probably scribbling the outline for his next dystopian novel as we speak - lands on a chilling conclusion: "Control" isn’t just about desire or intention; it’s about enforcement - the actions a manipulator takes to keep their partner in check. Think eyerolls that shut down any attempt at dissent, icy silences that say more than words, fierce arguments meant to break you down, and emotional cruelty designed to keep you off balance and compliant. And that’s just the start.


Tim’s Thoughts for Writers: Let’s Get Uncomfortable

So, what does this mean for writers? Well, if you’re looking to make your readers squirm and really dig into the psychological chaos of a relationship, the methods of subtle control discussed here are gold. Authentic, emotionally complex characters can be made by weaving in these nuanced, almost invisible tactics. It’s about creating a relationship where control doesn’t scream “I’m a villain.” Instead, it whispers “This is for your own good” while slowly suffocating the life out of the other person.


As for that nightdress example - seemingly innocent traditions can have hidden agendas. If you're writing relationships, think about how small, quirky family traditions can actually serve as tools of control, whether that’s forcing “family moments” or reinforcing unrealistic expectations. A forced family photo? Sure. But what’s really behind that smile?


Creating Ambiguity: The Fine Line Between Innocence and Control

When writing, consider the ambiguity of rituals or family traditions. Are they innocent? Or are they a subtle power play? Your characters might not even realize that their seemingly benign family traditions are slowly pushing their partner into a corner. And the reader? They’ll be wondering if the father in the nightdress example is innocent or insidiously controlling. What makes this scenario so creepy is the ambiguity - the tension between what seems innocent and what could be manipulative.


Conclusion: Unmasking the Subtle Horror of Love and Control

If you want your readers to feel that creeping discomfort - the instinctive sense that something’s off - Be My Baby is a masterclass in subtle manipulation. Tim and LeeAnna explore the complex dynamics often overlooked in relationships: the small, insidious behaviors people tolerate, masked as love, support, or tradition. But writers, take note: these are the moments that fuel the tension in your stories. It’s the quiet, unsettling details that make readers question what’s really going on beneath the surface. When you manage to evoke that unease, you’ve hit the sweet spot.


And that, my friends, is how you craft a “love story” with an unsettling relationship and a partner who’s all too good at pulling the strings.


Part 1


Part 2

The Snark

 

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