The Snark on Alchemy Podcast | Enter Stage Left
- The Snark
- Mar 27
- 4 min read
First Impressions, Laundry Portals, and Tim’s War on Loud Cell Phone Talkers
Where Were You When the Socks Disappeared?
We open with one of life’s great enduring mysteries—no, not the meaning of existence, spiritual doubt, or why people clap when the plane lands. Something far more pressing: why do socks disappear in the laundry?
Naturally, this podcast tackles the question with all the seriousness it deserves. LeeAnna admits she used to believe socks vanished into another dimension (valid), and she may have briefly considered weaponizing the dryer as a portal for people she didn’t like (less valid, but still fascinating).
The mystery, it turns out, has been solved—but I’m not going to spoil this one. You’ll have to listen to learn how your ankle sock ended up in Narnia. (Spoiler: aliens, no. Tiny moths/rodents, no. Science, probably.)
And that’s how this podcast begins. With one lost sock and a tiny bit of chaos. Just how we like it.
Meeting People: A Beautiful, Awkward Minefield
The real topic, though, is that weird little thing we all have to do: meet other humans. You know, that terrifying moment when you say “hi” and hope you don’t instantly destroy your reputation with spinach in your teeth or an ill-timed pun about ex-husbands.
Tim dives in with a point so painfully true it should be on a motivational mug: sometimes we make a first impression without knowing it. In other words, that moment you muttered about someone’s haircut or weird facial movements on the train? Yeah, that might’ve been your future boss. Congrats.
In classic Tim fashion, he presents a list of nine rules for first encounters. It’s basically a Greatest Hits album of his social pet peeves—starting with loud cellphone users and ending somewhere around the grim rise of the “bouceback” conversation killer. LeeAnna chips in with Rule Ten: smile. Sweet, simple, and exactly what you’d expect from someone whose soul has almost certainly been shaped by a small, opinionated, part-Havanese chicken-herding dog.
Tim, meanwhile, admits he’s fascinated by people, but also forgets their names almost immediately. Which is... exactly the kind of energy you want in a podcast host who says he cares about human connection.
What to Wear When You’re Trying Not to Die Inside
Then we’re off to first impressions you know are coming, like parties, conferences, or being ambushed at the farmer’s market.
LeeAnna goes full fashion guru, offering essential style tips like “don’t underdress” and “have a jean jacket to hand in July if you suddenly need to dress up even more.” (We can chat later about the “Canadian Tuxedo”; the iconic, slightly cursed ensemble of denim-on-denim.) She also appears to endorse physically cornering people to get to know them. Honestly? We’ve all done it. At least she’s honest.
The big takeaway? You get to choose your persona. How confident, how polished, how vulnerable you want to be. But beware: too much sparkle, too much confidence, and you’re labeled a dominating narcissist. Too little, and no one asks you to the next barbecue. It’s a delicate dance.
Tim’s Networking Rant (And a Trump Vibe Moment)
Naturally, Tim has more rules. His disdain for networking is palpable—honestly, you can hear his eye-roll through the microphone. But credit where it’s due: he’s successful, and unlike most businessey folks, he’s not trying to sell you a LinkedIn course.
Things get a little Celebrity-Apprentice-adjacent when he starts talking about decision-making, which might be unsettling if you happen to work for him (hi, me, brave soul). But then he hits us with something absolutely spot on: “Think and react in the moment.”
Truth. That line alone might be worth the price of admission. Or at least the cost of laundry detergent for your next portal-sock experiment.
Writers, Take Notes (and Then Kill Your Darlings)
At last, we reach the real gold: what all of this means for writers. Tim urges authors to think hard about how characters are introduced—not just the main players, but secondary ones too. Those one-line wonders might end up being the fan favorites... or the corpse fished out of a river. (LeeAnna suggests the secondary character might also be the killer, the twist villainTM, which frankly makes you wonder what her book club is like.)
Then, in a heartwarming experiment gone slightly off the rails, Tim presents two versions of a character’s introduction. The first maybe took him 2 minutes, the second all day. The second seems better—more polished, more intentional. But of course, LeeAnna prefers the first one. Ouch. It’s the literary equivalent of spending all day cooking, only for someone to say they preferred the appetizer crackers. Tim chalks it up to “different strokes for different readers” in a gesture of conciliation, but obviously the experiment went totally sideways
“A Farewell to Socks”
Tim & LeeAnna wrap up with a few writing prompts and a return to their charmingly offbeat banter. At this point, you’re left with a strange warmth in your heart and an inexplicable urge to check your dryer for interdimensional rips.
You may also be asking yourself: Where in holy hell will these podcasters go next? The mystery of why tiny spoons disappear? A 10-point guide to small talk in elevators? Honestly, I’m here for all of it.
Because Enter Stage Left isn’t just about first impressions. It’s about showing up—awkwardly, imperfectly, hilariously—and realizing that the weirdness of being human is a gift. Especially when you let it walk onstage with all its mismatched socks and hopeful chaos.
The Snark
Official podcast name: "Alchemy... from Effigy Press" (don't forget the ellipsis, folks)
Comentarios